"It's the best feeling in the world when you meet new friends that you can't stand to be without. That you constantly want to impress to make them like you even more. They make you hope everyday that they won't leave you. Until that day when they actually do, and you're lost without them. You can't think about anything else but when you're going to see them again."

how crazy that describes how i felt before in the beginning. the more i got to know these people, the more i couldnt wait to see them. I feel so dependent of each and errone of them that, i feel like if i were to leave or vice versa i would honestly be left w/pretty much no one. i guess it goes to show what kind of role people play in your lives. How much each and err person affects you in one way or another. Ive been so caught up in them, that well they revolve around my life. Though what would happen if woke up and one day they werent there. My life would suck...

Interesting day i had day filled with unexpected suprises. Skipped class i wasnt in the mind state mentally to go. My mind has been clustered with thoughts that all ive been able to do is focus on them. talked to romy for a little bit though the conversation was kinda pointless. She wasnt really able to help me out like i thought she mightve. So i sat around and pretty much kinda talked to kuya online. Got ready to work and i was off for our staff meeting.

im going to work thinking wow we havent gotten commodities yet, maybe were not gonna do them this month. Spoke too soon as i was driving thru i saw them unloading it. I was like dang it, i thoguht wrong. My boss' dog got bite by a their neighbors pitbull. THey had to put all these tubes in him and stuff like that. So now hes having drama w/his neighbors. That sucks, well i guess good thing it was his dog rather then his son. Our staff meeting was produtive it was long cuz there was so much to talk bout. I ended up having to leave early to show this guy the hall and explain to him prices. I worked on the bulletin board, it looks alright. I made my pot of gold kinda ugly, i juss need letters and leprachun.

My boss and i didnt even get like halfway done on the commodities. We did like probably only 50 bags altogether within the small time frame. We were listening to music and the accoustic thugz mansion song came on. Then my boss was juss like isnt he dead? He has this weird theory that all these years tupac juss lyp sang to all those songs. While they had this white boy making all the songs and singing them. haha i laughed to entertain him, though i thought that theory was gay. His thing was also cuz like aayliah doesnt have 100 "lost" albums nor does biggie or big pun.

went home and had dinner while errone was over for my momma's birfday. it was coo, i had to eat and run cuz i had class. Class was alright, gave them a reflection to think bout. Then explained some of the charasmatic gifts of the holy spirit. Brought them up to prayer meeting, something which we havent done in a while. It was kinda funny cuz when it was time to go. Oh btw my prayer buddies prayers were great! very annointed and there was one which stuck to my head. So one of my kids asked me after they heard my prayer tounges. "Jason, do you understand anything you were saying?" i said no. then before that in class, i was talking bout being filled w/the holy spirit when youre praying. Then one of the kids asked if its like a spaz. Like when you spaz out and what not. haha i finally said yeah, its like youre filled w/a holy spirit spaz. ahh kids are funny these days, yes yes.

Had a few interesting conversations tonite w/some people. Antonios homeless person story inspired me. Knowing my problems, the struggles im going through are nothing compare to the homeless man he encountered. THat was pretty cool to be inspired by that. well since the quote talked bout friends and not being able to live w/o them. I foudn this interesting analogy on anthoneezy's live journal. check it:

friends are like tv. some are like PBS, always askin for money. others are like the news, w/sad tales to tell everyday. some are like that one station w/the foreign language; you don't understand a word of it but you listen and watch anyway. and then there are the ones like the commercials, always changing, ever-so-annoying and only seem to be there when you are or bored or they need something. But every once and a while you meet someone who's like the really good movie of the week or that one tv show you hardly ever get to see anymore b/c youre so busy friends. it's sad to lose them but maybe they never really were your friends to begin w/, just the other channels you never liked to watch. choose your friends wisely, for "a faithful friend is beyond price. no sum can balance its worth";[sirach 6:15] life has no remote to mute or change the channel so cherish the ones you have.

I read that i thought whoa! i can totally relate to that. Especially the one bout the friends whom are like the good movie of the week or show you hardly get to see cuz youre so busy w/friends. Thas how it became w/my other friends. The ones ill talk to once in a blue moon, or when i see them. They probably think that well ive ditched them or something. Then the whole sirach 6:15, blows my mind cuz at the same time they werent faithful friends. Well actually one of them out of all of them i met became and stayed a faithful friend. Though im pretty sure i have faithful friends now. i dont think their is a doubt in my mind theyre not faithful...faithful to the end.

so my search for a spiritual director starts! someone who'll be able to explain the unbearable pain my heart, the unexplainable thoughts that have been running through my head. To tell me my purpose of why i am still hurr.

"I'm so sick of being lonely..."im done, im out God bless!