It's Been A Tough Month

"Don't look forward to what may happen tomorrow. THe same loving Eternal Father, who cares for you today, will care for you tomorrow. He will either shield from suffering or give you the grace to bare it. So be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts..."

STRUGGLES: The title explains it all and I'm sure you could see it through my writings these past few weeks. It defiently has been one hell of a month, full of many different suprises. The funny thing is, God seems to keep giving me more and more suprises. The most unexpected curve ball type of suprises. Never the less, it seems as if He has given me the grace to handle it all. It really has been a struggle for me w/a variety of different things happening. The closing doors, the never ending soap opera, kids making first communion and being confirmed, the surgery on friday, and now today...

MISSING YOU: For the past week, my dog has been having problems breathing. Yesterday morning she nearly collapased in my moms arms. We thought maybe it would get better, so we finally took her to the vet today. Bad news is, we had to put her to sleep. Her heart cant handle all the water inside of her or something like that. Either we wait until she dies and let her continue to suffer or well put her sleep. It was so depressing, I calleed my mom today at work to fnd out wha happened and she told me they had to put her to sleep. I felt sooo sad, it became difficult to get through the rest of the day. My mom said she was holding her in her arms rubbing her when the doctor injected her w/the shot. SHe slowly fell alseep and that was the end.

FOR THE BETTER: I guess this was for the better, being she has been suffering for a long time now. She couldnt see or hear anymore, but she was always real chill. We've had her for over 12 years. I've always thought bout what would happen if my dogs died. On the bright side, at least I have 3 more, yet its still not the same. I miss holdnig her and rubbing her belly while she closes her eyes. My mom had wanted me to go w/her to the vet, but it was already 130pm. Im glad I didnt go cuz I dont know how I would've made it. Its juss so empty looking in the bed and not seeing her there anymore. Trying not to think bout is hard and its so happens that errthang today dealt w/animals...which made it even more difficult. All this right before finals too...great.

MUSIC OF MY HEART: A while back ago, I had burnt from my friend fcfc music ministry cds. Well, one of the cds there's one track that I juss love to listen to. Coincidently, it's that song, heart of worship. The person starts off quoting scripture from John 4:23-24, 'But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship Father in Spirit and in truth; and indeed the Father seeks such people to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship him must worship in Spirit and Truth.' I was listening to it tonite on the way home and it juss, well I dont even know how to describe it. Praise God for great songs, that juss hit you.

GET AWAY: I hadnt planned on going to liwanag tonite, but after errthang that happened today, I juss felt the need to get away. So, I ended up going and the praise & worship really helped. The songs were perfect w/the stuff thas been happening w/me. The theme for the evening, 'forgiveness' allowed me to reflect on a lot of different things. Helped me to become a little more at peace with myself. God knew exactly this is where I needed to be for tonite. Though something was missing and it made me kinda sad, but it all worked out in the end.

LAUGHING UNTIL IT HURT: I think there's an expression or a saying that goes something like 'laughter is a great medicine or cures errthang' something like that. Anyway, I couldnt stop laughing tonite soo many funny things happened. First off, we were all juss kinda hanging out after the meeting. I had heard something that juss made me say whoaa then I saw marites laughing, which ended me making me laugh. From then on, marites, sarah, and I couldnt stop laughing bout it. Each time we looked at each other, we would juss laugh. We knew exactly wha were thinking bout. Then, at KFC oh man that was the highlight of the nite. All the jokes, the throwing of things, and much, much more! Oh man hilarious, we all juss couldnt stop laughing. Great things are always bound to happen @ UCI.

THE PRAYER: Lord, you know the depths of my heart. You know my desires, and my wants, yet you know exactly where it hurts also. Please allow me to get through these difficult moments with your grace. Give me the strength and grace I need to persevere through it all. Teach me your ways and show them to me. Help me to always rely on you, and be my lamp upon my feet. Lead me Lord and show me the way. Amen.

MOTHER MARY: I miss singing the Mother Mary song w/my kids. When we sang it at liwanag tonite, after the rosary I pictured us in the classroom singing. Jerel playing it on the geetar, while the kids offering their voices to God, while invoking the intercession of the Blessed Mother to pray for us and with us that nite. Thanks Mother Mary, for helping us throughout this year, for prayinng for them and protecting each of them. Please continue to pray for them, pray for their growth, love, and devotion to your Son. That they may continue to seek Him in prayer and learn to be a reflection of Him unto others.

TAKEN AWAY: I know everything works in His time, but sometimes its soo frustrating. It jjuss feels like as of lately, God's taken away the things I've been wanting. Instead of giving me the joyful things, that wouldve made me happy, he's been giving me well the sorrowful things, that has made me upset. Its hard not to feel juss a little angry. I guess its like your parents grounding you for doing bad. They take away the things you love to do. In this case God has taken away the things I've been wanting. Ahh help me to understand your will Lord!

laptop be trippin tonite

"Turn around and switch..."im done, im out God bless!