Starting Fresh

"Things come and go but it all starts and ends with family..."

REALIZATIONS: Its funny how a tragedy can open your eyes to see a whole new perspective on different things. These past 5 days have felt like a month for me, often times Id find myself figuring out what day it was. Then coming to grasp thinking wow its only wed. things haven't completly sunk in for me. Tomorrow will be a week since his passing and it feels like he's still here at times. As I wsa going through my day today and Id look at the clock and think 'oh my gosh at this time he was already in the hospital.' I think tragedy can be seen as a blessing in disguise as well. The past 5 days have allowed my family to come closer, at least my cousins and I. Despite their own lifestyle they lead, I've learned to accept it. Even though I may exactly agree w/what they do, I still love them cuz they are my family.

PICKING UP: With errthang thas happened, like I was telling heif today, where do you pick up all the pieces? With life coming back to normal, its like you're lost. All my family frmo out of state left today. It was kinda sad cuz I enjoyed seeing them and having them around. On top of that I really odnt know when is the text time I'll see them. The thing bout the whole situation is we anticipated it to happen, but never expected to as soon as it has. It makes me wonder now if the hospital never moved up to 2nd floor, would he still be here? I believe so, I think he would've been able to fight this one and come out of it. However, maybe it wouldve been even harder for him this time around. There are those moments where you reflect back and you cant help but to have a tear in your eye. I look at the pictures and when I see them it doesnt feel real. I know though he's happier where he is, and although we miss him dearly here, he always out there looking out for us. Praise God for family.



i like that song burn by christian bautista

"Sunshine without rainy days..."im done, im out GOd bless!

My Eulogy

"The joy of this life is nothing; the joy of the after life is everlasting..."

This past month I had celebrated my 24th birthday, and I always love the whole getting together with friends and family, the cake, people singing happy birthday, and blowing out the candle. I never really was one who was big on making birthday wishes however this year was different. When I blew out the candle this year, I made one wish and that wish was for my grandpa to become stronger. I always loved talking bout my grandparents, to my friends, especially my grandpa. And it wasn’t just because of the long life he was living, but it was because of the kind of person he was. There’s a quote that says, “There is no love without hope, no hope without love, and neither love nor hope without faith.” My grandpa was a living testament of faith, hope, and love.
It was grandpa’s strong faith in God that kept him going. Just the other day I heard grandma share about how every Saturday, she would ask grandpa what’s today, and he would tell her, its Saturday. After she would ask him and tomorrow is, and he would reply back ‘church.’ For some, they may think he knew it only because it was routine, but I don’t think so. He knew it because of his strong faith in God. His strong faith was evident because it touched lives of so many people. It always would touch my heart, every Sunday being able to see him to receive Jesus in the Eucharist. Being able to receive the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus every week was kept him strong these past 99 years. Grandpa was faithful not only to just his 8 children, 20 grandchildren, and 12 great-grandchildren, but was faithful to my grandma. He cared for her and loved her with beat of his heart, and this was evident because of his gentle touch and warm hearted smile.
My grandpa was filled with hope. When he migrated over year from the Philippines years ago I’m sure it was the most difficult transition for him. Yet, despite the obstacles of coming to America, he had hope for a better life. Hope to provide a better future for his family. Hope that someday he would be able to see the success of his own children. Praise God because he was able to see that success everyday. My grandpa’s hope was so strong that even through times of difficulty and trials he persevered through them. He persevered because he was optimistic for a brighter future that lied ahead.
And lastly, my grandpa was filled with love. Love that radiated that you can could see all the fruits of his marriage. 8 beautiful kids, 23 wonderful grandchildren, and 12 lovely great-grandchildren, it really is amazing on what a simple ‘yes’ could do. Everyone who knew him could see how much love he had for his family. I remember going to grandma’s house for lunch and he would always made sure we were fed. From ribs to chicken, to fish, our stomachs were never left empty. He was an amazing chef that always knew what everyone’s favorite dish was. Grandpa was always there to support us, whether it would be graduations, birthdays, anniversaries, holiday get-togethers he was there. I tired my best to make an effort to go visit him as often as I could, and when I did he was always happy. Asking me ‘where did you come from?’ Then I would tell him and if it was something that was not home or work, he would ask me, ‘why what’s there?’ When it was time for me to leave, I would kiss him and say, ‘I’m going now grandpa and he would ask me, ‘why where are you going?’ Then I would tell him whether it was home or somewhere he would softly say, ‘yeah okay.’ Something that I’ll never forget was this past January around the time he had just gotten back from the hospital. He asked me to scratch his back w/the back scratcher, so I took it and I scratched, and starched and, starched until he wanted me to stop. Sometimes Id stand there for a long time, but I didn’t mind.
Early Thursday morning as I sat w/him in the icu room I was holding on to his hand he every once in a while he would squeeze it. Just before I left I whispered into his ear to him that my only wish for my birthday was for him to get better and how that afternoon after I left their house I went to mass and offered up my communion for him. And as he was breathing with every inch of his body, looking at me, I knew he was listening. After his passing I had went to mass that morning to offer it up for his soul and the funny thing is during the homily the first thing father said was, ‘God never abandons us,’ and I truly believe in that because heaven just gained another saint. As the late great, John Paul II once said, ‘Do not be afraid of moving into the unknown, simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you.’ Its going to be different w/o seeing grandpa physically, but I know that he is always going to be here, through the joys and sorrow we’ll know that as we feel his prayers with us. The deeper faith, hope, and charity lie in our hearts the stronger we are to handle whatever God gives us. So I leave my family and all those who loved my grandpa with this challenge, to live out every day of your life just as he did in faith, hope, and charity. So others may see his life in you and through you.’So faith, hope, love remain these three; but the greatest of these is love.’ AMDG



though im missing you...

"This is my house..."im done, im out God bless!

God Never Abandons Us

"I promise salvation to those who embrace devotion to the my immaculate heart. Their souls will be loved by God as flowers placed by me to adorn his throne. These souls will suffer a great deal but I will never leave them. My immaculate heart will be their refuge, the way that will lead them to God..."

JUST PERFECT: It was as if the priest knew about wha had juss happened in my life 2 hrs. earlier right before mass. His words were juss what needed to hear to continue on w/my day. He said God never abandons us and sometimes we sense that he's not there, though what really sense is our own doubt. Our task is to face each day with its joys, sorrows, peace, and work, making an act of faith that the divine will and providence is with us. This is what really made me think, 'the deeper faith, hope, and charity lie in our hearts, the stronger we are able to stand whatever God gives us." Like I said, it was as if the priest knew my whole situation of what had juss happened. No, but that wasn't the priest, that was God. That was God telling me that everything was going to be alright, to hang on and juss trust. Man this has felt like the longest day of my life.

FAMILY: Your family can be the greatest gift God can give you, if you choose to use the gift. Despite the hardships and difficilities, your family is always going to be there. I know there's a specific reason as to why this past has been so hard. The dificult part is trying to figure out what that reason. Things can come and go, but its true things really do start and end with family. Hopefully, this will allow my family to come together even closer than we were before. It's going to be hard and probably weird, but it's what he would've wanted. Like the expression goes, you dont really know what you got until it's gone.

KNOW SOMEONE: We go to funerals cuz we either know the person who past away, or we've come to show support and respect to the family of the loved one. When you're there, all these things run in your mind, not anticipating yourself to be in a similar situation. Unless you really knew the person, you can only come up in your head wha kind of person he/she is depending upon if you knew person or not. Though for my lolo I think it's different cuz errone knew who he was, errone saw the kind strong person he was. Its as if they all knew him personally and I believe that they did. Anyone who saw him/talked to him knew what kind of person he was. A man of faith and commitment. I always knew there was something special about my grandparents but even more so now I see how special their marriage was. For them it wasnt bout how much money, whether they were able to get nice cars or a bigger house, for them it was all bout faith, hope, and charity. If it wasn't for their strong faith and love for God, and for each other I dont think they would've got to where they are today. Of couse its going to hurt and there's going to be a missing void, but we know heaven threw a huge party and there were a lot reunions taken place. Still cant believe its done, forever missed and loved. I love you grandpa.


Please pray for the healing and comfort of my family.

"Come and follow me, I will bring you home I love you and you are mine..."im done, im out God bless!

Going through the Motions

"I am the compassionate mother of you and your people here in this land and all of the other people who love, call to me, search for me, and confide in me. I will listen to their pain, suffering, and crying and heal them from their misery..."

SUCKS: These past couple of days have juss sucked. Im on the 91e merging unto the carpool lane this morning taking my aunt to work, when I get pulled over. The stupid jerk chp told me I cant merge in and out of the diamond lane when I want to. Wha the heck?! I merged into the carpool and I wouldve merged sooner if only the stupid truck would've let me in. I blame it all on the stupid truck, which I hope he gets into an accident or a ticket, for allowing me to get another stupid ticket. This time I'm going to fight it, I didnt deserve this one. My car must be cursed or something, I tell you if its not accidents then its tickets. CHP people suck!

CORE RETREAT: The core retreat is coming up this weekend, the only thing Im not too psyched up about is having to cook. Im giving a talk on the prayer life of a leader, maybe all these things happening to me are juss preperation for the retreat and for the talk. Its going to be exciting cuz everyone will be there. This will be the first time we'll have the whole collection so its going to be great. I know the new core is all hyped up and excited for it. This new core is like the start of a new season on tv. It almost like a new season of the real world ha except this time were in the same location. Fun times, I juss pray that errthang goes well that they continue to be open to whatever He tells them.

BIRFDAY SHOUT OUTS: The first one going out to abby, my 11am mass friend. Whenever I go to 11am mass I always usually save a couple of seats for her, her brother, and her cousin. She's a really cool, geninuely nice person whom I've had the pleasure of getting to know. Its cool cuz we share the same profession and so we would always swap stories about work. Next there's coy, coy one of the youf who I've known for a while, but juss got close to this year. A really cool kid, who's faith is inspiring. Despite the obstacles and the trials he's had this year, he has still managed to give His all to God. Not a whole lot of people can do that in times of hardships. Ive known this kid since the days of youf alpha, I think he was in the 2nd or 3rd season. At any rate, Happy birfday to the both of them!

ANNIVERSARIES: Congrats first off to the new mr. and mrs. dyogi. Banne's wedding was on saturday, nice a small intimate one. The music was great, which I think made the whole wedding even more beautiful. It was nice seeing and running into people who I havent seen in a while. Seeing charisse pregnant juss trips me out, ha never did I expect to see her pregnant so soon. I know she's getting married too in august, that's going to be crazy to see also. Its like the wonder years, errone is growing up now ha. Rob & Em celebrated their 2nd anniversary on sunday, so congrats to them. Man to think it was 2 years ago we were all getting down in with mai tais in hawaii. Those were some great times, yes they were. The two of them have always been there for me and my family when I needed them. In a sense they're kinda like the ninong and ninang I never really had ha. They're always there to take care of me, and Im blessed to have such a great friends like them in my life.

MINI ACCIDENT: To go along with my car story of the day, here's another one to knock your socks off. On friday I was meeting up rob at the block for lunch. Im in the parking lot, and I'm waiting for this girl's parking spot. Well she's backing out and all of a sudden she backs into me. By the time I tried to react it was already too freakin late. What kind of crap is that! We get out and exchange info. I could tell she was all nervous and stuff. She says somethign like, 'how come you have less damage then I do and my car is newer.' She was claiming her bumper was kinda coming off, but I think thas from something else. I have a small scratch on the front of my car which I did call the insurance for. AFter my car was jacked 2 years ago, I got it all nice and fixed, thas the last thing I need is an ugly scratch on my car. So monday I went in and turned in the car and all that crap such a hassle. Lesson to be learned watch where you are when you back up!

SUPRISE PARTIES: The other day I hung out w/mini heif for the first time in like 3-4 years. I wanst sure if it was going to be all awkward being we havent really talked since then too. Anyway, it edned up being really cool juss kinda catching up on life and wha not. I'll never forget the time we went to the sPv carnival and I had her throw the rings into the pepsi bottle. She was able to throw 2 of the rings over the bottles and then the booth people go....'weeeiiiiiiiiiiner!' hahaha fun times! Now she's freakin all grown up and wha not, thas crazy. So were putting together a suprise party for heif, and well at the same time her mom tells me she wants to do one for her also. WEll now I'm putting together a two in one suprise party for the both of them. Both thinking theyre throwing a suprise party for each other...its going to be a BIG suprise whne they find out its for the both of them.

GOOD BOOK: The other nite I was at borders and I found this book called, 'The prayer of Mary.' I started reading it and once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. I always seem to find good books over there. WEll this book is juss as wha the title says, it breaks down Mary's part into the three parts. The first part goes over her fiat wha it means and the importance of it. The second part is all about her Magnifcat, how you can make Mary's prayer yours, then the last part is about walking in Mary's way. I havent been able to put it down since I bought it. So Im almost done w/the 2nd half of the book. Being that I was real sleepy when I started to do the first part of it, I decided to go back and reread the first half all over again. Its amazing the things you miss out on when you're not full paying attention ha.

LOST: I went to the promenade in St. Monica yesterday, it was nice day to juss get away. Walked around the shops, walked along the pier, and the boardwalk. It was great cuz it wasn't too hot either, there was a nice breeze going. WEre on the way back and we couldn't remember what parking structure we parked at. It was getting kinda skurry cuz we were hopping from structure to structure trying to remember where we parked. Finally almost an hour later we find the right parking structure and the car! I was really starting to get worried, but low and behold errthang worked out. NIce day to spend out there, on the way home stopped by my cousin's new house. It's pretty neat, Im going to have to make an effort to go out there more now. I love LA! haa



its going to be one busy summer!

"Do anything you want, just let me cater to you..."im done, im out God bless!

Moments of Prayer

"There are times in life when the soul finds comfort only in profound prayer. Would that souls knew how to persevere in prayer at such times. THis is very important..."

REALIZATIONS: As you grow older in life through experiences you come to realize certain things bout life. After tonite I was reflecting on this verse from Romans, 12:9-18, bout fighting the good fight hold on to what is good and hate what is evil. However, when people seem to dissapoint you or screw you over or whatever its so easy to want to hold on to evil and forget bout the good. To stop helping others because it seems to easier that way, though only in the end it's not going to help the cause. Its easier to give up and say forget it, then it is to pick up that cross and follow Him. Though Im reminded to one of the last verses from Galatians bout let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest. So I guess the lesson I'm constantly learning is to be patient and continue to give selflessly juss as Christ continues to do with us.


Go italy!

"So I wait for you..."im done, im out God bless!

Working the Numbers

"Let sacrifice, not conveience, be the measure of your geneorsity..."

AMAZING: Its amazing, how many people share the same birfday as me. There's a total of 5 different people who's birfday lands on July 5th. I remember when I was younger I thought I was the only one who really had a birfday. During the skool year I hated how my birfday was in the summer time cuz I couldn't get the cool attention and little prizes the teacher gave out. At least my mom didnt have to worry about making any type of treats for my class ha. More and more each other, I find out who I end up sharing my birfday with. Oh yeah, add dubya to that mix too, I wonder wha he did and got for his birfday, probably weapons of mass destruction ha!

THE 4th: I was laying in my bed on the 4th in the morning realizing how each year the holidays w/the fam gets slimmer and slimmer. When I was younger, the 4th of July was always celebrated at my house cuz I had the pool(which I miss using). I always looked forward to my family coming over and juss swimming, chillin, eating, etc. We would have like a picnic style bbq in the front yard and juss chill all day. Then in the evening we would do the fireworks in the street, my cousins would create their macguyver picolo petes and blow up the whole neighborhood. After all the fireworks were done, we'd watch the ones coming from knott's berry farm either at my grandparent's backyard or from my house. THen by that time, errone is tired and ready to go home. Now errthang is so different, no one really gets together, some of my cousins have families now, so they all kinda do their own thing. Its kinda sad, I miss being together.

REGULAR DAY: Being that I didnt want to spend the entire 4th of July stuck at home, I went to the brea mall and walked around. Actually, looking for something to buy for my birfday, but didnt really find a whole lot. Sleepy and yet feeling spontaneous I went to krikorian and watched click, by myself. I kinda like watching movies alone, it's not really that bad, in fact I even ate popcorn bymyself too while watching ha. The movie was great, so many lessons you can take away from it. Basically the importance of spending time w/family, it brings me to the whole thing bout apppreciating people and thanking them while you can cuz they may not be around tomorrow. I try and do my best to show my appreciation to people let them know they're appreciated for all taht they do.

OFF THE HOOK: Ah Im starting to feel relieved now knowing that I wont be working for stanton this summer. Monday it felt like I was working all over again, it was there from like 2 freakin 6pm! Then having to rush to holy fam for a meeting to plan the retreat. ANyway, so it looks like I wont be working there for hte summer as originally planned. At the time I went in asking to be contracted out, I wasn't sure financially how I would be. Though, after putting in some research and thought, I figured I was going to be aokay. It looks like the daycam is going to go through anyway w/13 kids signed up. Yeah, I realized working a whole 8-4pm job at stanton then going to holy fam would kill me. Good thing no contract was made yet or anything of that sort, it made things easier to get away.

GAMES GALORE: After spending time w/the fam for dinner, went to my cousins for more fun. Played guesstures and taboo w/the hfya crew. Im pretty good at taboo, I have an easier time explaining verbally then I do physically. Tons of meat, the korean bbq was real good, and Im real picky bout the way its cooked too. My aunt cooks some bomb korean bbq, its the best, so I always use that to compare. Good times though playing the different games, the only thing that was missing was a magic mic. ha

UP EARLY: I wanted to make the most out of my birfday, so I woke up early and went to mass at 8am at spc, man I haven't been there in a while. I have noticed they're nifty new signs w/the dress code. That whole dress code sign sucks, cuz it pushes people away from wanting to come to church. I understand the importance of dress modestly, but at the same time, let's not push people away from going to church. Anyway, so I did the whole daily mass thing, which felt nice. The one thing taht was missing was lighting the candle, but I did that later on. So after mass, went to the car wash and got myself a nice car wash. It feels nice to have such a clean car again, especially the matts too got washed.

VENICE: After the car wash came home and searched forever to find someone to go w/me to venice beach. I juss wanted to get away from the normal stuff over here and do something different. Finally found nico who was able to go w/me and so picked him up and drove down to venice. THe weather was nice, not real hot smooth with a breeze going. Walked aroung the boardwalk for a while, picked up something to eat. The sand was nice and smooth, so it felt good on your feet. Walking around and juss admiring all the different thigns going on, made me feel so appreciative of wha I have. This is the part taht sucked I got back 3 mins. late to the parking meeter and I got a freakin $35 ticket. Hijole!! freakin $35! WEll on the back home I stopped by a church, St. AUgusutine, it's real nice. A gothic type look on the outside, real nice on the inside. Stopped in there to pray for a little bit, then lit myself a candle before leaving.

DINNER: I dont think I've ever spent so much time at a buffet before. From 5-9pm oh man thas 4 hours! The people at VIP buffet are real kind and nice, thas wha helped make the nite easier. Being that I know people would be late, I ate slowly, ha or more less in small incriments so I dont get full fast. People came from earliest 5 all the way to freakin almost 9pm. They made me a small lemon pie/type of cake and I got to blow out the candle. I wish others were able to make it but seeing errone there put a smile on my face. It was a great birfday after all, praise God!






SUM IT ALL UP: Sum errthang up...23 myspace comments, 19 text messages, 4 blog dedications, 34 friends celebrating your day at VIP buffet...




















PRICELESS!

Yay for a great day!

"Lost without you..."im done, im out God bless!

I'd Still Say Yes

"Sometimes when I find myself spiritually in dryness so great that I cannot produce a single good thought, I recite very slowly at an Our Father or a Hail Mary. These prayer alone console me. They nourish my soul..."

FEELING BETTER: So after a week and a half of having stupid sinus problems and trying to get over a cold, it's gone! If there's one thing that kills me, its when my sinsues act up. The constant blwoing my nose, the runny nose, the stuffyness ahh all of it. Even when Im sick I still find it hard to juss slow down and rest. I juss feel there's too much going on to juss stop and do nothing. ha Yeah, well anyway, its juss good to know I'm feeling better. My trash is juss full of tissue paper...ha

BIRFDAY SHOUT OUTS: July is juss packed w/birfday celebrations, I dont even know if there's a month when it even starts to slow down. ANyway, the first one going out to cherry, within the short time I've known her, I've really gotten to know her. She has a heart of gold, who goes out of her way to help out the people she loves. A very generous soul, who you can surely see the face of Christ through her bright smile. Second goes to abe, who's birfday is actually today! I've known this kid back ot the days of his sophmore year in hs going through youf alpha. Now he's already gradauted hs and is on to college. Its funny how the place people end up and where you find them again. This guy is d0pe, talented is so many different ways, has a way of inspiring others as well through his hyperactiveness. Then there's mr. manalo, one of the other kids who I've juss recently gotten to know. This guy cracks me up w/his weird sense of humor, but yet unique personality. Talented in the arts of all areas, you'll be inspired to see osme of different things he can do. Then lastly, going out to my birfday twin, kat! Even though we only communicate through tag board, she's got the sweetest personality, no wonder she's been blessed in so many ways. Its awesome to share a birfday w/such a great person!

BACK TO LIFE: Being summer is here, Ive decided to make usage again of my 24 hr. sport memebership. During the skool year it was so complicated to go, yet I didnt want to end up cancelling it and wanting it later on. Anyway, this week I've pushed myself to go back and try to get in shape. The hard part is getting over there and the other hard part is learning to eat right. Yeah, staying away from all the fatty foods can be a real challenge. The past couple of days, Ive been brining my ipod and it helps when I do my warm ups on the treadmill. I was listening to that hero song tonite and it was tight, I was getting pumped up ha. Yeah so it feels good to get back into shape again. Working out helps get your mind off of things. I need to get myself some goggles those, the chlorine in the water is killer on my eyes.

REUNITED: LAst nite while working out I ran into francis and joey, some of hte guys I use to chill with before getting involved w/the whole church thing. Its been a while since I've seen them, sometimes keeping in touch can be so hard. Ive felt kinda bad for not making an effort to call them up and stuff. Anyway, so we all went out to bjs last nite, and its cool it was as if nothing's changed. They're great friends, when I first met them, they kinda took me in and befriended me as if I was one of their hs friends. Like i said its nice to know that even though you become distant w/people that when you see them again its as if nothing's ever changed. I miss hanging out w/the ol skool crew, we had some good times and adventures together.


DINNER WITH HEIF: There's this lobster ravioli at mac grill that's really good. I had dinner w/heif the other nite at hte mac grill. We made a promise to each other that this new fiscal year were going to be more responsible w/$ ha. For some reason I have this feeling taht she's going to be engaged within this next year. She deserves it, her and her bf have been together for over 3 years now. Her bf is a cool guy, juss real reserved and quiet. One of those type where you really ahve to get to know him. Anyway, spending time w/your best friend always is the best.

EBAY: Man lately, I've been so obsessed with the whole ebay thing. I dont know wha got me all into it. Before I wasn't all into it, I'd browse for things but never really buy anything. Within this past couple of weeks, I've bought 3 pairs of dunks and 1 triple 5 soul handbag. The handbag is pretty cool, and I juss won the other 2 pairs of dunks on sat. with one more pending. Yeah that too, I've been into this whole dunks phase too, when I wasn't even really into it before. I think its juss that I've been finding these good deals that I can't let them pass. There was a pair I bought for freakin $10!! WEll w/the shipping in all it cost me $45 but to me thaS still a good deal I cant slide. The more original ones, are more expensive but maybe Ill be able to find some good deals on those as well. Im trying not to go on the site so I dont have to spend anymore money.

WORK: Work is good, its juss I get tired of working w/mrs. doubtfire. I was sharing w/joyce how she can be and I think she's starting to get the feel of what I mean first hand. The thing that sucks is that she has to work up in the front w/her. So I do my best to keep the talking to the minimal and try not to talk to her. Her and her freakin 2 hr lunch breaks, I hate to the kj, but thas not fair. I've mentioned already once, so it looks Im have to raise some hell again. You know its like when you go to work and see your bosses' car and your reaction is, 'dang he/she is here.' Exactly how I feel about the old mrs. doubtfire, and she aint even my boss! Before I got to know her, I always thought she was this nice old sweet lady, yeah right!! I wish she'd juss retire! haha



This month is going to fly by!

"let's hear it for the boy..."im done, im out God bless!